


defeated

by snowyxiu



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Cutting, Depression, Gen, Razors, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-20
Updated: 2019-07-20
Packaged: 2020-07-09 14:09:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19889107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snowyxiu/pseuds/snowyxiu
Summary: it was hard





	defeated

_ i can't breathe.  _

_ yes you can _ , says the rational part of woojin's brain. if you couldn't breathe you would be dead. 

_ i can barely breathe.  _

he changes his thought to this, because his therapist says to always rationalize his thoughts. and if his thoughts are rational, chances are he won't drown in the sea of anxiety. 

_ cut. cut. cut _ . 

that is the chant ringing through his mind. 

_ you need this. it will calm you down. _

sure, he _is_ a month clean, but one little slit won't mess anything up. plus, how can he resist when he's seated at his desk, right in front of the little box with his razor buried under paper clips? 

with shaky hands, he fumbles through the little box and clumsily slices his thumb, earning a small gasp from his mouth. 

_ beautiful.  _

_ blood.  _

a knock on the door scares him and he drops the razor onto the desk, then slams his palm over it. 

"woojin?" says a voice, one that he can't identify with all the buzzing in his ears. 

"there you are...is everything ok?" 

a ragged breath, "fine, just fine."

"alright," says the voice, unsure. woojin would turn around to check who it was if not for the tears in his eyes. "dinner is ready. everyone's waiting for you."

"be there in a minute." 

the door closes. it was hard being the oldest. he had to act strong for everyone. when he was alone, he could finally break down. 

though, he wasn't alone like he thought. a hand on his shoulder made him yell out in fear. blue veins trail up a pale arm to a scared face. chan. the leader. 

"give me that."

"what?"

"give me the razor." 

woojin gingerly hands it over, defeated.

It was hard being the oldest, but it was even harder not being the leader. if chan had not held the position he did, woojin would have easily told him to let it go. 

defeated. 


End file.
